I am going to be very open and honest in this post. I don't think that I have been completely honest in a priesthood interview since I was 12 years old. I hate that fact. I am mad at myself because of the lies I have told.
On my mission, I would often share the famous scripture from Alma 34:32. Every time I read that scripture in seminary, on the mission, and after the mission I felt guilt and pain because I was still procrastinating the day of my repentance.
I never confessed all my sins with a priesthood leader, because of the fear I had. The fear of how they would think of me. I am embarrassed to admit that.
Last night I was listening to Elder Ballard's talk, and he mentioned the verse from Alma. That guild that I had felt for the last 10 years of my life didn't come. I didn't feel shame for not procrastinating. I have began to change myself and my actions.
I have a great Bishop and I have laid it all on the table with him. I was even more worried about what he would think of me after I confessed because he is a very good family friend. But the pain of keeping it to myself any longer was unbearable. I knew that I had to be completely honest with him and begin the repentance process.
It isn't easy, but I have been so happy the last 5 months. I have made some big mistakes, but I have also made so great achievements with the Lord's help. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life, but I realize that I am fighting for my eternal life. It is worth going through anything to know that sometime in the future my sins will be forgiven and I can find peace once again in the Lord's harbor.
This sounds very similar to my experiences with confession. I always found some way to justify my actions in interviews; sometimes I even was good for week before if I knew one was coming up.
ReplyDeleteNot until this year did I finally come out with all that needed to be said to my bishop. It was a wonderful relief and things have improved so much since that time.